8 reasons to visit Iceland

Iceland. A beautiful, welcoming country. Cold weather, big coats, warm hearts. A land of ethereal Northern Lights, remoulade-squirting pylsur, skin-tingling hot pots. Home to Bjork, Sigur Ros and…oh wait, you mean the other Iceland, didn’t you?

Iceland, supermarket, crap

Oh yes, you do.

You’d think coming up with eight reasons to visit a supermarket that uses Kerry Katona as a brand ambassador would be a challenge. But it’s not when you have product lines like this.

1. The Cheese Hamwich

Iceland, supermarket, crap

Filled with a spicy combination of goat eyelashes and Milk Tooth children’s toothpaste.

2. Chicken Pop Pops

Iceland, supermarket, crap

It’s not clear what the ‘S’ in SFC stands for, but I’m pretty confident it isn’t ‘stellar’

3. Chilli Con Carne Yorkshire Pudding

iceland, supermarket, crap

The serving suggestion here is to drop your fork into the pudding in horror, before dashing off to the toilet to write your last will and testament.

4. Sliced Doner Kebab Meat

iceland, supermarket, crap

Snacksters? Gangsters more like. ‘Made from reformed and seasoned chicken, lamb, beef and Terry, who talked  too much.’

5. Microwave Doner Kebab

iceland, supermarkets, crap

‘For when you’re too drunk to assemble sliced doner kebab meat.’

6. Greggs Steak Bake

iceland, supermarket, crap

Sometimes things are exclusive because no-one else wants them.

7. Toffee Cheesecake

iceland, supermarket, crap

It really, truly does.

8. Quorn Turk’y Burgers

iceland, crap, supermarket

Is this slightly racist? Illiterate? Or just a large cork coaster masquerading as a meat-free burger?

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One thought on “8 reasons to visit Iceland

  1. Pingback: I don’t love my country (we’re just good friends) | Land of Dope and Tories

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