Iceland. A beautiful, welcoming country. Cold weather, big coats, warm hearts. A land of ethereal Northern Lights, remoulade-squirting pylsur, skin-tingling hot pots. Home to Bjork, Sigur Ros and…oh wait, you mean the other Iceland, didn’t you?
Oh yes, you do.
You’d think coming up with eight reasons to visit a supermarket that uses Kerry Katona as a brand ambassador would be a challenge. But it’s not when you have product lines like this.
1. The Cheese Hamwich
Filled with a spicy combination of goat eyelashes and Milk Tooth children’s toothpaste.
2. Chicken Pop Pops
It’s not clear what the ‘S’ in SFC stands for, but I’m pretty confident it isn’t ‘stellar’
3. Chilli Con Carne Yorkshire Pudding
The serving suggestion here is to drop your fork into the pudding in horror, before dashing off to the toilet to write your last will and testament.
4. Sliced Doner Kebab Meat
Snacksters? Gangsters more like. ‘Made from reformed and seasoned chicken, lamb, beef and Terry, who talked too much.’
5. Microwave Doner Kebab
‘For when you’re too drunk to assemble sliced doner kebab meat.’
6. Greggs Steak Bake
Sometimes things are exclusive because no-one else wants them.
7. Toffee Cheesecake
It really, truly does.
8. Quorn Turk’y Burgers
Is this slightly racist? Illiterate? Or just a large cork coaster masquerading as a meat-free burger?