The biggest storm to hit Britain in a million years – or more precisely, the bit of Britain where most of the news networks, money and shrill people live – is just hours away. Stories abound of the likely disruption to rail services, major roads and committed hat wearers likely to come in the next day or two. It could even top the destructive horror of Hurricane Bawbag.
A great thing about Brits and weather is that over the decades we have developed a comforting rhythm to any vaguely unusual event. Every newspaper will run the same stories, the same pictures, the same headlines. You can look forward to crossing off these things very soon:
1. Some big waves crashing against a sea wall
2. A single woman fighting with her umbrella
3. A car stuck in a ford
4. A pub full of regulars getting ‘stranded’ by the storm
5. Interviews with a vicar in a village where a 400-year old tree has blown down
6. Michael Fish
7. Idiots playing in the storm
8. 50% of news programmes being taken up with ‘pictures from our viewers’
9. A car squashed by a tree
10. A public inquiry into why we weren’t properly prepared.
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