How much would I need to pay you to eat a spider?

Come on, it’s a very simple question. How much actual cash money would I need to exchange with you to bear witness to your consumption of one spider?

You need more information, you say?  Fire away.

How big is the spider? We’re talking about a reasonable sized spider here. Body about the size of a fifty pence piece. Usual complement of legs, maybe half an inch long.

Bath spider

A bit like this one.

Is the spider aliveYes. But you are permitted to kill the spider before eating it.

Is the spider poisonous? Will it have dramatic or irreversible health effects? No. It may make you sick, but it won’t be any more dangerous than, say, taking a brief swig of gone-off milk.

Is the spider hairy? No. This isn’t an Amazonian tarantula, just a common or garden bath spider.

Can I cook the spider? No. You may not gently sautee it with butter and garlic. You may not include it as an ingredient in a soup or smoothie. You may not deep fry it in crispy tempura batter. You may not bake it as part of a delicious meaty pie.

OK then, can I cut it up, or turn it in to some kind of paste? A good question. The rule here is that you may cut the spider up in to pieces, but those pieces must be recognisably spider. So pastes or purees are not permitted.

Can I wash it down with anything? You’re allowed a glass of room temperature water. No flavoured drinks.

What does the spider taste of? I don’t know. It may taste rather wonderful, like a peppery roquette leaf or perhaps a particularly crunchy pork scratching. On the other hand, it may squish like a cooked tomato and taste like the inside of a hoover bag.

I’m a vegetarian and I find this entire hypothetical exercise deeply offensive. Go away.

Enough questions! Put your money where your mouth is. And once you’ve named your price, for extra credit you may wish to work out how many spiders you would need to eat on a weekly basis to earn your current salary.

Why is this important? Well, the early evidence reveals that contrary to my expectations, (and across a sample size of four people) women will charge much lower prices for spider consumption than men. I’m not telling you what the prices given so far have been, for fear of influencing your decision.

Answers in the comments!


3 thoughts on “How much would I need to pay you to eat a spider?

  1. Give us tenner. On saying that, these kind of questions always make me ask myself would I do it for £9.99? £9? And if not £9, why not £8.50? (and so on until ive eaten every spider in the house for free and I’m feeling very, very ripped off and annoyed at this horrible capitalist system where people pray on the poor, unwarey and stupid.) 😦

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